Oh yeah, I have a blog.

So last time I posted was right around Thanksgiving. So that means I've missed a few critical posts about the holidays. No worries, I will post a super extra long post about all the fun you missed. Ready? Big breath............ stuff happened. Ba ba bum!!!!! Pretty amazing, yes? You wanted more? No? Oh good, I'm too tired to remember what happened past yesterday.

Tired... that's my new existence. I've never been so tired in my life as I have been for the past 3 weeks. Beckham decided sleeping wasn't his thing. No joke, he wakes up 4-5 times a night. That means he wakes up every 1 to 2 hours. Yes, that's right. Want to know what it's like to watch yourself going crazy? Try this sleeping schedule and you'll find out real quick.

Oh, let's also include that he's trying REALLY hard to not take naps.

I know people - that includes doctors, blogs, medical websites, your sister, your friends, your mother - all tell you that it all passes in time but in the moment it's much easier to contemplate what life was like before you had kids. It's hard since for over two years now my life has, literally, revolved around raising my children. I know I used to go to movies past 7 o'clock but it's hard to understand why.

I used to only know one or two shows on the Disney channel but now I not only know every show I also know what time they come on, what order and when the specials will be on so that I can DVR them for later.

Before children I could leave the house before 8 o'clock and it was no big thing. Now, if anyone asks me if I can be somewhere before 11 I think they must be insane. Let's not mention that to actually leave my house now it takes at least 30 minutes to pack up my kids and get them in the car.

Making dinner used to be easy.

I used to have single friends but half of them left when I got married and the rest ran away when I had a kid. Not that I'm really lamenting the loss of not having single friends... drama tends to follow them a bit more. I like to get my drama from Project Runway, thank-you very much.

I used to be able to read books. Now I only read books that involve bears and big red dogs.

But most of all, I used to think I could have 6 children <insert maniacal laughter> Yeah... let's rethink that one.

Parenting at its Finest

I am not a perfect parent. Far from it in fact. I think a lot of people are afraid to admit that. Actually, I don't think people are afraid to admit they're not perfect but they are afraid to admit they do things they shouldn't. Not me, I'll lay it out for you.

On several occasions Sawyer has had a popsicle before he's eaten breakfast. Why? Because it's what he's want and I'm preoccupied with other things. Does that make it right? No, but it happens.

75% of the time I go to Walmart/Costco/Any store at all, Sawyer comes home with some type of treat or toy.

I give lollipops to my kid to shut him up keep him quiet.

Sawyer has watched several movies in a row plus a few episodes of jake and the neverland pirates. What am I doing? That's none of your business.

If we stay at home all day Sawyer is probably still in his pajamas or only in a diaper. I probably am too... not the diaper of course.

He eats in front of the TV.

I let him color with markers... *gasp!* ... and yes he has drawn on things he shouldn't.

I've let him him 5,6,7 gogurts in a row.

Bedtime is when we've decided we've had enough of him.

Now all of this is only Sawyer, we'll leave Beckham for another day.

Why the sudden desire to admit this? Well, the other day I caught myself saying to Sawyer, "You can have a banana when you finish your lollipop!" As soon as the words left my mouth I started laughing realizing that was one of the silliest things I could say to a child. But let me explain...

Sawyer doesn't like to ride in grocery carts anymore which I don't mind as long as he stays with me. Do I have to explain how hard it is for a 2 year old to stay with his mom, especially in Walmart at Christmas time where it seems like there is a toy placed every 10 feet? Well, I've found that if I offer him a lollipop, as long as he stays in the cart, he's a happy camper.

So yesterday we were finished shopping and on the way home and he still had his lollipop. I had grabbed a banana because I was hungry and he saw me and wanted one too. However, he still had the lollipop and the only place for him to put it was on the seat, on the ground or in my hand. I didn't want it to I told him he had to finish it before he got the banana. Does that make the statement seem any better? No? Well, let me ponder that while I go get my son a bowl of ice cream and sit him down to watch Jake.

Crafting it up!

I knew I would do this. My last blog post was over two weeks ago and I've really had no motivation to write another one. I even made this adorable wreath, and as we've seen in posts past I'm pretty proud of my craft accomplishments, and I didn't even take a picture of it. Well, that's not true... I did send a picture to my mom and sister so they could be jealous of my awesome new wreath. Don't worry, they are... they were all like "oh Victoria, you're amazing! How do you do it? Can you make me one? I'll pay you 100 dollars!" That whole conversation may have happened in my head but with two kids distracting me, I can't be sure.

So now I bet you're all like, "Victoria, you made a wreath! I bet it's way cool, at least as cool as your Halloween one! You should show us a picture!" Well don't worry adoring fans, I will ease your troubled souls and show you my amazing new wreath.

Wa-bam! Here it is!

Now, remember to ignore that ugly grey door as it's basically the worst backdrop for this really amazing wreath. Jealous much? No? Oh, well that doesn't change the fact that I still really like this wreath. Plus it only took me 2 hours to finish and it gave me a reason to finally buy a glue-gun. A glue-gun that Sawyer was eying pretty greedily the other night so I've stashed it somewhere he'll never find it.

The only sad thing about this wreath was that I had to put my Halloween wreath away. And speaking of Halloween I bet you're now saying to yourselves, "Hey, doesn't Victoria have two adorable children who would've looked adorable in Halloween costumes?" and to that I would have to say, "You are correct, dear sir!"

Here's my adorable tiger who wouldn't keep his head on. We went trick-or-treating with his two cousins out in Boise. Parker, the monkey, was born on the same day so the two have them are always fun to get together. Then there's the Princess Brooklyn who enjoys being the ring-leader of the bunch.

Beckham was the cutest Giraffe you'll ever see.

I think he was a little scared of being a giraffe but I'm all for stuffing cute things into a cute thing to make a doubly cute thing.

Now, the parents of these two children didn't quite achieve the level of cuteness that our children can. What's that? You want to see... alright, but just remember that these were Halloween costumes.

Laughing? Well, it's well deserved. And don't worry, I'm very aware of how well this costume looks on me. Chris made it very clear that I was a very good nerd, scary good. Like... this could be me on the inside and I'm just really good at hiding it. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggh.... what does it say about me that a nerd costume is very suiting? I don't want to talk about it.

Oh My Husband!

One thing you can say about Chris is that he's always entertaining. One of the reasons I married him so I must say that I've enjoyed this entertaining quality of his for the past five years.

Always on the lookout for the next thing Chris discovered that Zion's bank was having a competition to find the "cheapest" person. After narrowing it down to 10 finalists they then compete in a web series to win 10,000 dollars. So, in true Chris like fashion, he's sitting in class when he comes across this and decides he's got nothing to lose. Well, he made it to round 2!! So yesterday we spent the little time we had together, between school and meetings, to film a 60 second video. Here's the unedited version since it's a little funnier.

The beginning is a bit boring but make sure you watch the whole thing since the end is much funnier... I mean it's only a minute long, what else do you have to do with your time?

Pinterest Love (plus a baby)

So, as from the title of this post, I am going to be delving into another pinterest project. However, before I do that I need to announce that Beckham is smiling!!! He's been doing it for a week now but I FINALLY was able to get the timing right and snap a picture. There's nothing like having your baby smile at you to form an instant bond. No matter what you feel for your baby before that moment (hopefully it's love) everything changes when you get a smile.

How goofy is that smile? Loooove it! I was so happy when I got this picture because when I pressed the button it was a much smaller smile but in the second it took my camera to focus he whipped this sucker out. Looks like I have a poser. 

For the record, I'd like to point out that he is smiling early. So basically, what this means is Beckham is a genius and will probably solve world hunger, cure cancer and become president all before the age of 5. I don't care if you can't become president until your 35.... Beckham will smile and they will change the law.
Besides, he already has his presidential pose worked out. Don't believe me?

I'm pretty sure that he's dreaming about the masses cheering at him with adoring faces. And he's all like, "Ugh, it's so tiring being this loved."

Well, baby or no baby, pinterest projects must be completed. And since Halloween is coming up I thought it would be appropriate to make a Halloween wreath.

Inspiration, courtesy of ourbestbites.

 This past weekend we stayed at my in-laws since Chris's brother and his fiance were going to be in town. And it's probably pretty important that I actually meet my future sister-in-law and give my approval. Because, as we know, my approval is puh-retty (un)important. But, I also figured this would be the best time to get a project done since I'd have helping hands. At least with Sawyer because, as you will see, newborns are fun to oogle at but not hold.

Yes, Beckham decided that he only wanted to sleep if he was being held so I obliged but didn't let that get in the way of my crafting. What you can't see is that this is a three person couch and I'm taking it all up with my supplies. In the course of me making this wreath several people walked into the room looking for a spot to sit and I decided to keep my eyes squarely on my project as to avoid that awkward situation.

And here is the finished product:

I wish the door wasn't such an ugly metal gray but I can't help that. But look at that awesomeness!! I wanted to throw in some color since it is Halloween and how can you not use orange and black? Love the spider too... the only time in my life I will ever say that since spiders are devils incarnate.

I have to admit that I'm a little scared to put this on my door since I fear it might get stolen. I mean... if I walked by an apartment with this on it... I would take it. Be warned, if I'm ever your neighbor and decorations go missing... I took them. I'll deny it... but it was me.

Missing Components

I think babies are missing a few key components in their design. Here's a few things I think should have been included.

1. An indicator light: I've fed him, changed his diaper, rocked him, walked him, cuddled him and he's still crying? I think an indicator light would be really handy in these situations. Heck, they would be convenient even if it's just because he's hungry because then I could solve the problem much faster.
2. Poop on demand button: Just put him to bed and you're walking away and hear the pppppttttt? Just changed him, put on his onesie, put on his pants, put on his socks and then buckled him into the car seat and you hear a ppppptttt? Um... yes, a poop on demand button would be REALLY helpful.
3. Snooze button: Self-explanatory.
4. Mute button: Okay, before you judge me on this one... sometimes babies just cry and there's nothing you can do. So... in these instances a mute button, or maybe just a volume button to slightly turn it down for the neighbors (riiiiiight, for the "neighbors" *wink*).
5. Spit up alarm: You've used the spit up cloth/blanket/towel the whole time you were feeding him, you get a few good burps out of him and then you keep him upright for several minutes just to make sure. Then, you get up and bleeeeeh all over the clothes you were planning on wearing out that day plus a little in your hair. Where's the cloth/blanket/towel now? Not where you need it. An alarm would be nice so at least you could maybe dodge it or grab that cloth/blanket/towel in time.

These things would be nice but sadly I was not consulted when it came to the design of babies. I guess you could argue that God - being omniscience, omnipotent and omnibenevolence - might not need my held but I like to give my opinion. Oh well, I still love my little Beckham even if I could've used a mute button for the past 5 minutes.

And Life Goes On...

Tomorrow will be four weeks since I've brought Beckham home. I think anyone who has had a baby can understand why I've waited so long before writing a blog post. Primarily I had to get past the period of return. No going back now, right? I mean, I guess that technically the period of return expired over nine months ago. You know, THAT day. However, for my own sanity, I'd like to believe that the hospital could put him back, for at least a little bit. But... four weeks of growing and he's not going back anymore.

You would think having had Sawyer would make having a second child easier. Pfffffffffffffffffftttt.... no. Nothing in the world can make waking up at 3am to feed a child any easier. It doesn't change the fact that when he's crying at me incessantly I hold him at arms length and declare he is the last child I'm ever going to have. Or the fact that after I've fed him, put him in his bassinet, turned off the lights and am almost asleep and that's when he chooses to poop. Of COURSE I'm going to question if it's REALLY necessary to change him or is it really that evil to wait until he wakes up again. (If you're wondering what path I choose on that one then I plead the 5th.)

Babies are hard. Is that news to you? It shouldn't be. And if you think for some reason it's going to be different for you... it won't. In fact, if you are under the assumption that having a baby is easy, I predict that you will be the one crying every night and wondering what you ever did to deserve this. And what did we do to deserve this? We were babies once and we did it to our mothers so it's only fair.

You want to know what's not fair? Men and the fact that they don't have boobs. Men should have to grow them when they have a child. Not only to nurse but also so they can understand the excruciating pain they cause. Because then maybe they'd understand why that area no longer belongs to them and has become the sole property of baby. Also, they'd understand that just because we carry portable milk containers, it does not mean that I want to whip them out at every public place for the baby to nurse (like the state fair.... Chris). No, I prefer to nurse in the comfort of my home because then I can just whip it all off and not worry about some strange man ogling me while I feed my child. Why couldn't milk come from an easier part of the body... like the tip of my finger.

On a lighter note, Sawyer has reached the milestone of leaving his crib for the big boy bed. We weren't quite ready for that but as Sawyer had taken to doing suicide dives out of his crib we thought it was necessary for his survival to make the switch. I was a bit worried because we didn't have a guard rail for the twin bed but for four nights now he has stayed solidly in the middle of the bed.

So, for now, I'm surviving. However, never ask me how I'm doing at 3 in the morning. Primarily because that would be creepy. But also because if you ever want to see where zombies reside you will find them nursing a child at 3 in the morning. Which, in retrospect, might be the only reason why might survive. But, then again, I think I could nurse with one hand and still kill you.